2016

¡Welcome!

I'm typically not overly sentimental on my blog, but today I'm going to be a bit fun and deep. First we'll hit the fun stuff where I talk about what I did on New Years, and then we'll hit the deep stuff and my resolutions for the year. Typically I just write it in my journal but today I felt like typing it.

One of my best friends, Kyleen, and I went ice skating for the New Year.

It was so fun! We talked about all of the plans we had for the New Year and how we could feel 2016 being an amazing year.

Traditional pose

Honestly, there really isn't much more too it. Only I realized how much I love ice skating, I've always loved ice skating. My dad and I used to go once a year, just the two of us, to a rink and ice skate when I was a little and still lived in Chicago. Ice Skating is HUGE in Chicago, hence the Blackhawks hat! Kyleen and I went to the Rothman Ice Rink by City Hall in Philadelphia which was gorgeous. The lights above were lit up and being in the city was beautiful. I will definitely be doing more ice skating in the future! We left at 11:00pm and raced back to my house, put on comfy pajamas, grabbed bags and bags of food and turned on the TV three minutes before the ball was about the drop in NYC and celebrated the New Year (not going to bed until 3am.)

Happy New Year Everyone! I hope 2016 treats you well!

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Resolutions:
I don't know if this is in any particular order but I like all of them

1. Journal and Read

I forgot how much I love to journal and write things down. It's so satisfying to put a pen to paper and write what you're feeling. I typically don't share everything that I'm feeling on my blog but I want to be more open. I'm very closed off about my feelings and I don't share them with many people. I think that's wrong, I think we have feelings so that we can share them. I want to seem more like a person who has multiple layers (like an onion haha) and I want that to transfer to my blog. Therefore I want to share more personal stuff throughout it, not just in the anxieties section. I also want to write down my dreams in my journal. I feel like dreams are cool and I dream a lot.

I also feel like I get so wrapped up in my life online that I forget to put the computer and phone away. Social Media is a huge part of my life and I want to start doing other things with my time (my blog is going nowhere trust me, this is therapeutic for me!) but I want to read. I love being in a different world when I read. I love turning the pages and living out of my life for a bit, enveloping myself in a story.

2. Be Healthy

I'm not going on a diet. I'm not trying to lose weight. I want to just be mindful of my body and treat it like a princess. I want to drink more water and make more smoothies. I want to stay active and feel good.

3. Stay Calm - Let it Go

This blog is titled "The Anxious Me" so it's probably pretty clear that I have anxiety. Candles, journaling, being healthy, sailing, skiing, traveling, ice skating, and art are all great for this. I guess I just want to find ways to make myself comfortable. I tend to get anxious frequently and while I try not to show it, it really affects my life sometimes. I get so worked up over stuff and I need to just let it go. It's not worth it, it really isn't. 

At the turn of the year I learned that there is always a reason some things don't work out the way you want them too. While it doesn't seem comforting at the time and it definitely takes time to realize it, it's nice to know that later you'll be happy things didn't work out because something much better is coming. Think of the unhappy moment like a tiny piece of coal. In the moment you're so excited because it has the potential to become a diamond, yet it isn't so you're upset. In time you'll be glad you didn't settle for the piece of coal because later you've struck a huge diamond that means everything. You won't even be thinking of that unhappy moment anymore. I think letting go is something I've had a hard time doing my entire life but I'm finally starting to understand the importance of it. 

4. Be Spontaneous - Embrace Change

I love deciding last minute to do things. It makes life exciting and fun. Sometimes spontaneous moments are so much better than the ones you've planned for months. With being spontaneous I want to embrace change this year. This year is full of change for me. I'm going to be graduating high school, becoming more independent, and living on my own. I've always had a difficult time embracing change. It's hard. But the one thing I do know is that no matter what my family and the people I care about are only a phone call away and will drop everything if I'm in danger. That's comforting. It reminds me that change is only bad if you feel alone, and you should never feel alone.

5. Travel

I'm not talking about far and wide and very expensive trips. I'm talking about traveling locally. I drive now, I'm becoming a young adult, and I have the power to travel locally with the train and buses as well. Before I leave Pennsylvania and Philadelphia I want to see the city and areas just outside the suburbs. I want to do these things with my friends, sort of as a last hurrah.

6. Take and Print Pictures

I love taking pictures. I think it's a cool way to express yourself and express others. To catch someone laughing -really truly laughing- or to catch someone who's going through a tough time. I think you can do so much with photography. You can catch a landscape that brings back so many memories. A picture is worth a thousand words, so it should be a good one.

With that being said, I also want to print these pictures. Many of my friends have Fujifilm cameras. It was so cool to physically hold the picture in my hands and for some reason it just meant a lot more. I found a Fujifilm printer but that's also kind of expensive. Instead I also found this website called HuggleUp where you can print whatever photos you want into polaroid form. I think having a physical copy means so much more and I'm going to use these to decorate my dorm room so that I can see all of the people I care about whenever I want to.

7. Art

Taking pictures is a form of art and relaxes me. But I also love painting and drawing. I want to take up art again because I remember being so stressed out even back in middle school and I'd always look forward to art class as a way to focus my time and energy on creating something. Getting in that zone is just so relaxing and makes the stressful task seem less stressful later. I want to draw and paint more often. I want to use my photos and create more scrapbooks and photo albums with them. I finish my classes at the end of the April and my exams by May 16th. I don't gradate until June 14th so I have a month of me being at home preparing for college and my Europe Trip with two of my bestest friends. I'm going to use some of that time to sail and some of that time to print pictures, complete scrapbooks, photo albums, and draw.

8. Dress Up

Not the dress up when you were little and would clip- clap your moms heels all over the place. I just want to find times to actually put make-up on my face. I'm not going to get up earlier than I have to for school, I already get up at 6:30am and am out the door by 7 in order to make it for my 7:30am class. So make-up for school is not going to happen. I guess this goes with being spontaneous, traveling, and going out more. I want to put more effort towards myself.

9. Breathe

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School starts tomorrow. I finished my school work yesterday. I think I'm ready for the last 3-4 months of High School. I think I'm ready to try to new things.

I'm just worried I won't finish everything, that I'll fail and not get my IB diploma. I'm worried about my extended essay. I'm scared.